her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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