her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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