If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
