If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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