Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
