I cockslap morals
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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