There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
