think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
