what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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