i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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