Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
