The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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