fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
