literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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