I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
