Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
