Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
