Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Is it penis luge time yet?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
