i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
