Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
