I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
