Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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