so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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