so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
