My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
