Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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