We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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