Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
