As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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