i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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