I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
