I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My ATM looks so different sober.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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