i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
