and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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