jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
