of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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