absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
