Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
