So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We got so high we made milksteak
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize