Soap is not a condiment
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
