I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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