I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Still dying that you shit outside
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
