apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
