shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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