In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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