Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
