Your tits are I can't wait for
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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