I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
