Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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