I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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