if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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