i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
