last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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