Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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