talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
