OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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