Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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