I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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