Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
