Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
