It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
