Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
