she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
