Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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