i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
