she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize