Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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