Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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