I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize