Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
