If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Your topless pictures make me question reality
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
