put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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