so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
