don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
