oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
